.w.e.l.c.o.m.e.

New Location

2008-04-21T04:31:00.003+05:00

I've moved to Poorple!

Backy

2007-04-03T11:15:00.000+05:00

Click. He can clearly picture the bronze chain being displaced and hanging loosely from it’s top. The door creaks open. Before he attempts to recover from the moments that passed, a familiar face appears from behind the door. It was all so simple. Those tears could melt rocks and they begin to weave their magic around his confused emotions in no time. He is unable to look into those eyes and can’t help but fall to his knees. This is going to be harder than I thought.

They speak for a short while, which seems like eternity, but the prevailing uneasiness forces his eyes follow every movement of the clock’s hands - it’s only been seven minutes. Great. 7 years summed up into 7 minutes of conversation. Makes hell sound like a stroll in the park. Great. He didn’t even expect her to forgive him and so, couldn’t bring himself to apologize. She had forgiven him before he even left her. Who can hold something against their own blood? He fell once, fell twice and even fell a third time but still picked himself up every time. There’s a fighter

Unethical Views of Unethical Politics

2007-01-12T00:20:00.000+05:00

Where all the mysteries of life can be discovered:

The Public Toilet

Eh?

2006-09-28T08:14:00.000+05:00

It is I indeed, inspired by the initiation of incessant ramblings by good ol' Waldo!..... who apparently claims to be inspired by mine, hence we see life turn full circle once again.

Blogging from a new location this time; yet another humble abode I have learned to call home over time. It's funny, in the past year, the definition of home changed ever so frequently. From the comfort-zone of red brick walls surrounded by a few hundred friendly faces, to the cozy appartment in a downtown desert packed with around a dozen familiar faces and then to a minute condo stuffed with 5 members of a family I know as my own. As of tomorrow, things will change again - we finally move into our "own" house, and once more, things will be different, with one less member of the clan present. I'm admittedly quite hesitant to label this new one as a home, even though it is more mine than any of the others I've ever lived in before. I mean, I can actually paint its walls without thinking twice. Also, did I mention how I'll get to see two female-shaped buildings from the window every passing moment of my life in this house-to-be? Can't forget that essential detail now can we.

Oh, so about painting walls, anyone have suggestions as to how one would make a purple-blue-white paint job look remotely classy?

Musings

2006-07-12T00:27:00.000+05:00

Would you believe in a love at first sight ?
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can't tell you but I know it's mine

- Genius

Woohoo!

2006-07-09T12:38:00.000+05:00

listening to:brighter than sunshine - aqualung

There's a pleasure in accomplishment to which none other can compare - especially when you can capture it and show it off to the world! Yes, I managed to almost finish off a puzzle within 2 sittings. Can't remember the last time I'd made a puzzle and how much fun it can be - it's been so long. And of course, then there was the camera :D I better stop raving about this little piece of metallic marvel for fear of cursing it and just let my puzzle picture do the talking.
Presenting to you, the Sony Cybershot DSC-W30 6.0 megapixel camera of my dreams:

Footy Mania

2006-06-22T12:32:00.000+05:00

listening to: Dream On - Aerosmith

The first warm winds of summer slapped every inch of his face and mercilessly laced through his thick wavy hair as he made his way across the street. An old, ripped rucksack on his back, the heat and worldly obligations weighed him down so heavily that he felt he was sinking underground; but nothing, not even prison chains could hold back his spirit. He was determined to battle out whatever stood in his way to make it on time, for he knew what ruthless punishment lay before him if he didn't turn up.
He ascended the large vehicle that had just rolled in front of him seconds ago. Careful not to disturb its passengers, he skilfully glided past the seats to settle right at the back of the coaster in his favourite spot.
Before he knew it, his eyes drooped shut and he drifted away to another time, another place. The noise was deafening and his heart was thumping to the beat of the clock, which could still be heard above the screams and appeals. Time was slipping away like sand pouring out of clenched fists.
They moved around as gracefully as swans, but their eyes were those of predators, constantly hunting the prey that would give them much-deserved glory. This was it. The climax. Sweat dribbling down his face felt so real. A slight nod of the head and flick of the ankle later, the moment arrived. He felt his heart jump suddenly and could sense the sweet smell of victory filling up his surroundings. He felt a faint smile pass his lips. It was raining confetti and people dressed in colourful ensembles began to swarm past him.
This time, it wasn't the heat - a hand slapped his cheek and shook him back to reality. A pang of disappointment accompanied a yawn and seconds later, he had skipped off the coaster to proceed towards his destiny. He noticed familiar faces around him, some welcoming, others slightly intimidating. A hand wrapped around his neck and he suddenly felt at ease.
They strolled across the barren land and into the dreaded corridor. A torn sign adorned the big green door and its contents glared down at him, making him feel heavier than he did crossing the street this morning:

Classroom 10SA

---
Just a thought: Who do you consider a friend?
Technically speaking, a friend is defined as a person whom one likes, knows and trusts. They're there to lift you out of your blue-est blues, and there to remind you when to stop floating up too high, just so that you don't fall down too hard. Don't be mistaken - they will let you fall, but not too hard.
You come to this point where you appreciate friends as a second family, to that stage where you don't need to choose anymore, the same way you can't choose your own blood. In a friend, you look for someone who can make you laugh just as much as they can piss you off. Someone who can make you realise your limitations as well as strengths. To push you to that point of no return when nobody else can...so that when you reach that point and somehow manage to return back to where you once were, you'll know they've helped you grow as a person. Moreover, they'll know you helped them help you.

So here's to the people who've by effort, by luck or just by accident, become the best friends you can ask for :)

Mum's the word

2006-06-12T20:15:00.000+05:00

IMMIGRATION TO CANADA

Don't look at me, those are the words popping out of a pen holder resting idle on the table. Idle because it's far from serving its purpose as a carrier-of-pens. In it lies a pile of post-it sized paper and a coaster. How a coaster got in there is beyond me. But then again, so many things are.

Contrary to popular belief, being on holiday is actually not really being on holiday - well not in most South Asian households at least. I mean, you'd need a break from being on a break, if you know what I mean? And who would understand that better than the womenfolk of the family? The damsels who would still run around to cook and clean for their dearly beloveds (even in fancy hotels where these processes are meant to be taken care of by others).

It's more or less to do with the internalised expectations the family has of women, or actually, the women have of themselves. It's like no matter where you are, or what you're doing, it doesn't feel like life unless you're tending to the kids' appetites or folding hubby darling's clothes for him. Not that it's oppressive in any manner - you just enjoy providing for your family in that way. Even if the hotel management is at your beck and call at all times, and they really should be considering the dough they're getting from you, it's just not right until mum's laid her hands on it.

As the saying goes, If Momma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy.

Not Dead!

2006-03-21T03:52:00.000+05:00

This blog's not dead, and neither is its owner - slight technical difficulties are NOT allowing me to view any blogspot blogs in peace, hence the death of posts.

Updates real soon!

.

2006-02-18T00:47:00.000+05:00

GandaGujjar: wonder if the page looks alright now? Also, checked out Charlie Chaplin - you're right, extremely different from what you'd usually expect to see...me likey! :)

---

Looks like the end of another quarter is here again, way too soon, and definitely way before anyone wants it. Considering the next one's probably the last one, not really looking forward to it. At the same time, it's probably the best time for it to happen. God knows.

Welcome Spring,

But you,
you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate sight

A Simple Question

2006-02-11T18:21:00.000+05:00

I tried and tried. Walking, running, and walking once more. For a moment it felt like the world was spinning around me, that the skies and earth had become one - but it wasn't. It was me. Spinning around in the world, in search of a moment that seems to be slipping away as I draw closer to it.

Who are these people? Their familiarity gives me a sense of ease settling in my mind and heart, but sporadic pangs of fear begin to gradually dissolve the comfort, leaving me merely numb. Looking back is no help, the changes are too drastic. The past has been swept away with time, gathering all its memories and emotions, making them too complex to understand anymore. And the future can't be seen, heard or felt. Here and now is where those feelings will never fit. So then where do I look to seek comfort? In that one answer, which I have now found, without even searching for it.

If I were to climb the highest heights, I would only find myself face to face with that answer. If I were to drown myself in the deepest waters and sink into the abyss below, I would find myself in the arms of that one answer. If I were to wander in the deserts under the scorching sun, with so much as a last breath to thrive on, I would breathe that one answer. If I had known that answer from the beginning, it would become my first word, my last word, my language; my thought; my soul.

I have come to learn that I long for you. I do not wish to be one with you now, I am not deserving of that position and perhaps never will deserve it either. It is only your will that can bring me to you. If you wish for me to be with you, I accept your decision firmly, for this is possibly the best way. But for now, I seek to be one with your love. Darkness may not even be a part of you, it would just be the lack of light I have earned, for which only I would be to blame. Darkness is where I am now, and darkness is abysmal. It is hate. It is envy. It is fear. It knows no limits. It is rage. It is evil.

I never want to be in the shadows of your darkness.

And if perhaps, that darkness is the only light I am worthy of, I will embrace it with tears of joy, for you would have blessed me with more than I could ever ask for.

SoMinty

2006-02-07T09:44:00.000+05:00

The big, mean entertainment-making machine is back !
This time, there's enough to keep you hooked on for hours: head over to SoMinty and feel free to leave any comments/compliments/suggestions on the site.

Chazmine Joseph,
Managing Editor
SoMinty.com

PS: Still love the sound of that :P

---

A more content-ful post coming up soon.

Drive

2006-01-18T23:10:00.000+05:00

I know, I haven't blogged in a loong time now. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll live.

:)

There are some images that you just can't get out of your mind - either because you're so used to seeing them in your daily life or that they're so out of this world that you just can't forget them. Whichever it is, they each have their own special place with even special-er (?) memories attached to them.

Up there's one of those pictures : My Car. Well technically speaking,
a)It's not really mine and
b)I've never actually driven it.

Anyway. This is the way I would picture My Car when I think about it. This is what I'll remember about My Car. I'm generally not a materialistic person, but this is one object I'll always be emotionally attached to. Those daily trips to school, the random drives to Corniche, the blaring music, the journey for Umrah, the burst tyre, the pickings-up-from and droppings-to friends' (who will also vouch for fond memories of the green 4x4) houses and so much more...My Car and I have been through it all.

What are your special images?

---

It's so much more beautiful knowing that it won't last. Don't want that feeling to change. Ever.

.

2006-01-08T03:00:00.000+05:00

Leaving on a jet plane

:D

Baarish

2006-01-01T15:26:00.000+05:00

Happy New Year!
Wishing y'all the best for the year to come. And what an awesome start to it too - it's raining outside and I love it. What better time than now to post up lyrics?

My fellow ghazal-lovers, sit back and enjoy :)

Ranjish Hi Sahi
Dil Hi Dukhanay Kay
Liye Aa

Aa Phir Say Mujhay Chor Kay
Jaanay Kay Liye Aa

Ranjish Hi Sahi
Dil Hi Dukhanay Kay Liye Aa

Pehlay Say Marasim Na Sahi
Phir Bhi Kabhi To

Rasm-e-Rah-e-Duniya
Hi Nibhaanay Kay Liye Aa

Ab Tak Dil-e-Khush Feham Ko
Tujh Say Hain Umeedain

Yeh Aakhri Shamain Bhi
Bujhanay Kay Liye Aa

Kis Kis Ko Batayen Gay
Judai Ka Sabab Hum

Tu Mujhsay Khafa Hai To
Zamaanay Kay Liye Aa

Ek Umar Say Hoon
Lazzat-e-Girya Say Bhi Mehroom

Ay Raahat-e-Jaa'n
Mujhko Rulaanay Kay Liye Aa

Kuch To Meray
Pindar-e- Mohabbat Ka Bharam Rakh

Tu Bhi To Kabhi
Mujhko Manaanay Kay Liye Aa

Maana Kay Mohabbat Ka
Chupaana Hai Mohabbat

Chup Kay Say Kisi Roz
Jataanay Kay Liye Aa

Jesay Tumhain Aatay Hain
Na Aanay Kay Bahaanay

Aisay Hi Kisi Roz
Na Jaanay Kay Liye Aa

- Ranjish Hi Sahi, Mehdi Hasan

2005-12-27T13:49:00.000+05:00

Taken from: PostSecret

A Poll

2005-12-23T10:58:00.000+05:00

This is for certain people who do NOT like my new template: I'm setting up a mini poll.

Do you like this template?

a)Yes, it's a welcome change.
b)It'll grow on me.
c)It's taking a long time to grow on me.
d)You could use a little _____
e)Nuh-uh, no way. Back to the old one please.
f)Nope. Not even the old one.
g)I don't care

This and That.

2005-12-18T15:04:00.000+05:00

listening to:Go With the Flow - QotSA

Firstly, a huuuuuuge round of applause for Sashonie and her brilliant performace Saturday night - sweetie, you added an extremely welcome touch of class to the Jig. Yay!
---
Allowing the self to be shaped by society is a mistake we all make so many times in life.

Codes and secrets are what we’re all made of.

Nobody else, no individual or society can find the key to those mysteries.
Why make that mistake, then?

As someone interestingly put it, we’re always in search for a soundtrack to our lives. The selection of songs is ever-changing, just as we are ever-changing, which is why we never really get around compiling that list. Unless of course, we’re busy scribbling them down on our death-beds as opposed to writing wills and fearing what’s in store next. That’s a whole other post.

Why, then, display your obsession with wanting to get to the bottom of it all? Maybe, on the outside, just on the outside the mystery is attractive - while the inside is a vacuum. When you’ve pushed aside all the mystery, there’s simply a gaping hole of….well, nothingness.
---
It's perfect this way, don't ruin it. The moments, the memories we're making will stick for all the lifetimes to come - don't say anything more than you need to and I promise I won't ask for anything more than I should.
Walk down all the unfamiliar paths with me. Talk to me in ways only I will understand. Share your private moments with me. Never leave my side.

That's what she told him that night. That's what they talked about that night. And in the most subtle manner possible, he surprised her. He said something to ruin it. She held her head in her hands for the longest time as he sat by her side, watching his words sink within her. After what seemed like eternity, she asked him to leave her and never return. He obeyed quietly.

I can't live if you're not happy, I can't live if you cry, But I can live without you if it makes you smile.

B'day

2005-12-08T21:40:00.000+05:00

Thanks for all the birthday wishes :)

It was the first birthday away from family and to be honest, while trying to push that blatant fact to the back of my mind, I realised that I'd almost forgotten about my "other" family - the friends that have become like family made SURE I didn't miss home too much :)
I would write about the events surrounding this birthday, but it's one of those things which can't be described - words really fail me. And where words fail me, emotions usually take over, so just this once, you as a reader will have to participate in the effectiveness of this post: picture a teary-eyed me (with slight hints of 'the smile') and that's all you need to do.

More later...i promise.

_

2005-11-26T13:30:00.000+05:00

Tere mere saath jo hota hai, baat samajh mein aati nahin

---

Roomie was quite moved by this and gave it almost full score: Hotel Rwanda's fantastic, do take out some time and give it a watch. Next, as suggested by Z, finally watched Requiem for a Dream - am blown away. The cinematography was absolutely brilliant, no doubts there. Great shots with a fantastic soundtrack to support. Must see.
Obviously and finally, to cater for the weak-hearted like myself, there had to be a balancing act and on the recommendation of F, Wedding Crashers was it.
(Did I mention it's final exam week?)

Fingers that type too much forget how to write.

Does that qualify as a quote? God knows. If it does, remember the name. Anyway, seen it happen to dad and never really thought it was possible until I actually thought about the past quarter. Taking notes in class used to be fun. Fun? Ok, not exactly fun, but easy to say the least. Especially if you like to write and don't really care about the legibility of what you've written.

The finger that types too much knows not how to write.

Bahh. Right now the finger that types knows no longer what to type.

---

Bang bang.
My baby shot me down.

How's it going to be?

2005-11-20T00:45:00.000+05:00

You really have to understand, we're constantly going through it. I mean, HOW can it just be a temporary phase? It's continually there, if not nagging in the back of your head, then so-obviously-slapped on your forehead.

Actually, in our case, it's just always so obviously-slapped on our heads, so deal.

---

Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't Alex ask Marty (or vice versa) something along the lines of :

'You're not so good with the whole putting-the-words-together-and-them-coming-out-right thing are you?"

[Madagascar]

---

Ending this long long post with the following piece, which was inspired by a presentation, a highly recommended course and of course, the mystery that will eternally remain - our country:

Tum a'o gulshan - e- Lahaur se chaman bardosh
Hum a'en subh -e- Banaras ki raushni le kar
Himalayas ki havaon ki tazgi le kar
Phir uske baad yeh puchen ke kaun dushman hai

You come covered with flowers from the

Garden of Lahore

We bring to you the light and radiance of

the morning of Banaras,

the freshness of the winds of the Himalayas

And then we ask who the enemy is.

[Ali Sardar Jafri]

Double sigh.
What little we know of our past, our culture, our surroundings, our religion, our people...our reality is quite frightening.

With that level of mentality, it's not surpising that our today is what it is right now. Moreover; that really says a lot about the kind of futures we're getting ourselves into.

Not again...

2005-10-29T15:30:00.000+05:00

shazzy: yeah you know, I think dyeing this dupatta will be better, look at the design, here

ash: haan waisey hmmmm , you're right, actually, don't make it a kurti , just get a really nice...

(no prizes for guessing the expression)

shazzy: *grabs roomie's hand* ayesha, step out of the room right now

ash: shazzy, what happened?

shazzy: i think i just saw something under our fridge.

ash: oh.

---

Rat poison: Rs 50 (?)
Mousetrap: Rs 100 (?)
303's expressions: Priceless

---

It was the day of no screams, despite the nature of events: a "horror" movie and The Return Of The Mouse Part III (3rd part to a trilogy, I hope)

How was yours?

Wish

2005-10-27T11:25:00.000+05:00

So, so you think you can tell

There was a time when everything felt right,
where everything fit into place
without even needing to try.
There was once a you, once a me.
Time was on our side.
Eternity was our destination.

How I wish you were here

I sense a change, a change from change itself.
It's there, around the bend.
Its veils are flowing with the winds
of time
carressing you, embracing you
binding you
to me

We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl

The world is spinning again today
watching us
as fiery shades settle into soft hues
let's spin it again once more
and make all of our todays
settle into better tomorrows

Year after Year

Here is tomorrow
and if they come again
we can tell them
that there was once a you
once a me
but we can show them
that there is now an us
where we don't need them
anymore

Road to Recovery

2005-10-10T06:29:00.000+05:00

Moments of silence and prayer for every single victim of the devastation that has struck the Subcontinent in the past 48 hours.

To all those who have survived this tragedy, we have not forgotten you. May God give you the strength and ability to pull through this testing time - you are deeply embedded in our minds and hearts.

Ameen.

Please do not hesitate to contribute; if by no other means, then at least by prayer.

(edit)
Follow these links to learn how you can help out :-

Metroblogging Lahore
LUMS Disaster Relief Fund

(edit x 2)
With the overwhelming response and participation by the LUMS community, we have managed to meet (and in fact, exceed) our set target of Rs 10 million for the LDRF.
Wow.

The Month

2005-10-06T22:41:00.000+05:00

listening to: the fan

Ramadan Kareem everyone :)

Nobody describes the first day better than Madameoiselle Moolah.

Changes

2005-10-03T14:59:00.000+05:00

listening to: Mr. Brightside - the Killers

Before telling me how much I've changed, first ask yourself how well you ever knew me in the first place and then,

then,
take a look at the mirror.

You've changed too.

The Return

2005-09-23T14:20:00.000+05:00

Ok fine fine, so we all saw it coming, didn't we? I'm back on this blog!

Laugh, cry, scream or express your emotions in whichever way is most convenient to you - it really doesn't make any difference here.

Besides, I'm back solely for the love of The Best Roomie You Could Ever Have and My Sunshine On A Rainy Day! Love you guys, and love you all too :)

Oh and I've been tagged! :-

5 years ago: september 2000...hmm let's see. Having a ball with some of the best friends you could ask for : gossip central!! Fights, kiss-and-make-ups, crushes: yes, those were the prime teen years! Of course, being weighed down with work at the hell-hole too, can't ever forget that. I distinctly remember being told by our beloved physics teacher: *puts on strong lebanese accent* "would you please, we are already behind schedule!" like two seconds into the first class on the first day. It was cute that once, but little did we know it was the opening statement (even before a simple hello) to every session!

one year ago: finally at the place which gave me so many hopes and fears: LUMS. Don't think I've ever had such strong 'never-looked-back' feelings than at that point in time. Here's to all the good times for lifting our moods sky-high and to the bad times for giving us a reason to celebrate the good times!

5 songs i know all the words to: Fix You- Coldplay, Aitebar - Vital Signs, Spice Up Your life - Spice Girls (I am not ashamed :P), Pehla Nasha - JJWS, Imagine - John Lennon

5 snacks i enjoy: nuts, nachos with dip, M&M's, Frosties(no milk added), TUC

5 things i'd do with $100 million: count to make sure it's all there, give it to people who actually need it, (that does NOT include you!yes, you - you know who you are!), go meet the loved ones i've heard/know so much about but never actually seen, go on a world tour, get myself a guy :D

5 places i would run away to: home, old house in Isloo (with the corresponding time period, mind you), Room 303, nursery school, the States in its prime hippie era

5 things i would never wear: shiny silver trackpants, coloured contact lenses, neon colours, pointy shoes, blonde streaks

5 fav tv shows: Who's Line Is It Anyway?, Frasier, Friends, Family Guy, Mind Your Language

5 greatest joys: babies, incidents in the rain, family, friends, quality eye-candy

5 fav toys: babies, My Little Pony ponies, Barbie, Polly Pocket and Caboodles

5 people i'm tagging: Beta, Waldo, Ammu, Zeeee, Fizza

edits: tagging = post this on your blog

KhudaHafiz

2005-07-24T02:02:00.000+05:00

This post's been saved as a draft for as long as I can remember. I think I've come to that mental stage where it needs to be posted :) As for the story, if you're really interested, mail me and you can get the rest of it [it's still incomplete waisey]. For everyone else, there's always your own imagination and how you picture the ending to this kahani.

This blog has served its purpose. It's a bit like my baby and has given me much happiness in the past year or so. Very sad, naa, that html codes are the source of comfort nowadays. I think so too. I guess if you never try, kabhi pata nahin chalega. Khair, back to the baby. I'm putting my baby to sleep now - not like a dog but you know, it's very tired and sleepy so it deserves a nap.

Thanks to all who enlightened me with their support and running commentry on this blog, I sincerely appreciate it. Anonymous readers, of which there are either none or possibly even one, I sincerely thank you as well.

Not part of the story

2005-07-20T11:06:00.000+05:00

I waited once, twice, thrice...much more than you'll realise, actually.

But I find myself asking: would you ever do the same?
We know you want to. You know it too. Just try a little harder, you're almost there.

I don't want us to get there and still be waiting.

Till that day, the patience remains. I guess.

...

2005-07-19T15:44:00.000+05:00

The drive proves to be more tiring than he expects. From head to toe his body aches, and he feels he can hardly move as he makes his way to the front door. He rings the bell and suddenly, a strange emotion paralyzes him, engulfing his thoughts and adding a tinge of grey to every colorful memory of this house. His home. He is transported back to the time he actually lived there. It feels like another world, another life. His existence is now a far cry from what it was when he last found himself here.

Part II

2005-07-09T16:57:00.000+05:00

listening to: Fix You - Coldplay

She stands at the window, switching her gaze from the busy life outside to her own reflection. A nauseating tumult arises in her stomach every time she glances at her pale face. After years of silent battle, she has finally transformed into the very disease that plagues her body. Her eyes faintly whisper of the struggles while her tears call out for sympathy but it’s her smile that does it. To everyone, it represents the epitome of strength and will power. To her, it’s nothing more than a cue. For the curtains to fall and conceal everything they possibly can.

Poem

2005-07-04T15:48:00.000+05:00

We interrupt the story to bring you some fine poetry. Thank you, you know who you are. I am touched beyond imagination :)

As I stand here,
Anxious, engulfed by fear
At a new avenue
Unsure of what to do

This junction is busier
And barely familiar
But I vaguely remember
That I had once before surrendered

Novelty was at its peak,
Glistening down at me, looking meek
New people, new faces
New streets, new places

I was besieged, on all four sides
By heavy clouds that would soon glide
above me, and pour all their anger and misery out
But where should I go and shout?

Suddenly I saw the sun fighting with all its might
Against the dark clouds, and I saw a streak of light
And I realized that there is always hope
I promised myself "I must be God's will, and I must try to cope"

Starters

2005-06-30T12:23:00.000+05:00

In a quest to make life a tad bit interesting, something known as a fiction cooks in the mind. The plot hasn't thickened yet and in order to save you (loyal) readers from monotonity, I shall serve you (mentally) digest-able proportions of the afore-mentioned. Just a note before you start : I'm extremely fascinated by writers who unravel their stories in the present tense. Although I never really had any patience reading them and personally didn't find the style quite appealing, I've decided to give it a shot. I already fear the outcome!

So what if you’re happier alone? Romance, it’s all in the novels. It starts, blossoms and ends in those very books. Yes, so you have your own stories to tell. Of dates, romances, one-night stands, flings, crushes, loves. Over-rated. Big time. What does it do for you? Someone you can own to keep reminding you of your strengths even when your weaknesses are shining out of you like the sun? Ha. When is it that people will remind themselves of their strengths? That’s what you call security, being secure. Secure to that point when you need that other half to make you whole again. Insecurity, goodbye. You’ve taught me all you needed to. You’ve changed me. Changed to the extent that I don’t even know who I’m looking at in the mirror now. Thanks a bunch. It’s over now.

When he was young, the boy didn’t do much else but find comfort in things. Objects, the non-human type stuff. Then, one day, he grew up. That immaturity sure had its repercussions – his phone book was bloody empty, save a few emergency numbers which were probably obsolete by now. And as fate had it, at that point, those green bills actually sold his happiness ounce by ounce every time they were given away.
Screw it. I can find someone. I’ll go home, they’ll never refuse.
Bags packed at the speed of light (sound?), there he is walking away from the one place that always welcomed him with open arms. Anti-social. He instantly realizes that it was also the very place that blocked everyone else out and using that as his strength, he wipes a solitary tear off his cheek as he settles in to the front seat. Anti-human, almost.

La La La

2005-06-20T17:00:00.000+05:00

Shazzy is suffering from multiple-personality disorder. Here are the characters her loved ones have seen her swiftly transform in to and out of over the course of just two weeks :

Watcher of Cartoon Network and/or E-junior
Baker
Nanny
Chef
Backstage assistant
Babysitter
Supreme Player of PS2
Knower of All
Shopper
Good Friend
Tour Guide
Punching bag
Hairdresser
Composer
Advisor
Bad Friend
Listener
Make-up artist
Career advisor
Mediator

For the moment, she desperately tries to make her escape. A plea. If she is spotted pacing the streets of Abu Dhabi, shooting furtive glances at passers-by and sporting a thinking hat, black leather jacket and shades that remind you of Trinity, be a Good Samaritan and assist her to the nearest Exit. The use of tranquilizers is encouraged.

To sum it all up, Shazzy really liked the Da Vinci Code

---

Theend.

Masterpiece

2005-06-13T00:26:00.000+05:00

Tear drops rolled down her face
Glistening under the moonlight
The moon looked upon her plight
And beemed at her with grimace

The cold wind blowing away her meagre rays of hope
The pouring clouds draining her wishes of strength
The roaring thunder shattering her every dream
It was impossible, she knew she could never cope

"Its too much for me to take", she mindlessly repeated
In loneliness lay her only consolation
Yet the world was too cruel, even to grant her isolation
She knew where she went wrong, too soon had she retreated

As she felt her eyes well up again
A faint but familiar silhouette appeared
Offered a hand and her mind cleared
The same reassuring smile, the way it all began

As the figure dissolved in the dark
She stood up and didn't hesitate
After all it was her fate
She would live and smile for the smile's sake

- She who does not wish to be named (2005)

SoMinty

2005-06-06T01:23:00.000+05:00

Are you a music fanatic? Looking for a platform to voice your musical interests? Looking for people to share them with?

No, you won't be asked all these questions to get started - just check out SoMinty! A slick new website with only one aim: to promote music, music and more music. Country, jazz, rock, blues, R&B, rap and yeah ,well, pop too...you're bound to find the inside story on any genre under the sun. Aside from reading great reviews, you're more than welcome to add your comments and chit-chat about random this's and that's at the forums too :)

So go ahead, join in and share your words of wisdom with people who talk your language!

Mujhse Shaadi Karogi?

2005-05-30T19:42:00.000+05:00

listening to:khamosh ho - vital signs

(i am aware of the patheticity of this post's title. Read on.)

Remove from the stains from the white canvas that is your heart. It's been too long now, it's time to become pure again. To start out with a new beginning which is all yours to script. Nobody's stopping you...shrug off those chains that you conjured in your mind and fly. Those wings are there, we all have them. Why we hold ourselves down is a question only we can ask ourselves, and one only we can answer.

---

(not-so)Random thought #232934

It should be simple, that's all I guess. Not as simple as those 'by the way' things because, it's so obviously NOT a by-the-way thing, but simple nonetheless.

How would you like to be proposed to? Yeah, like not the recently-discovered-latest-teen-fad-desi-not-so proposal (read: asking out); the real thing.

Not that there will be too many, or even a single one to say the least but for those who read this blog and have already crossed that hill: how did it go for you?

PS: Oh, and just for the record, it's alright if your answer involves a tea tray. To each his own, i say!

sigh

2005-05-29T22:01:00.000+05:00

listening to: i'm with you - avril lavigne
word of the day:home

Is be very relaxing here.

All my bags are packed.

2005-05-26T16:33:00.000+05:00

Current state : a huge big sack of mixed emotions. Confused. Even the weather is confused. Everyone is confused, everything is confusing.

Call of the day: nodding and smiling and pretending you're understanding what's going on...until it's all over.

Baton

2005-05-22T02:01:00.000+05:00

*holds up Musical Baton with glee*

Thank you

Total volume of music on my computer: 9.25 GB

The last CD I brought: Elephunk - BEP (far too long ago, not even for myself!)

Song playing right now: Angel - Sarah Mclachlan (can safely fit into the following slot as well:)

Five songs I listen to a lot: (damn, can't this list be longer?)

Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
You Oughtta Know - Alanis Morisette
Here With Me - Dido
Ain't No Sunshine - Van Morisson
Secret Smile - Semisonic

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton: (had a hard time short-listing.still love y'all;)

Guess who?

2005-05-17T14:44:00.000+05:00

listening to: mera bichraa yaar - strings

You Are Beautiful

2005-05-16T12:03:00.000+05:00

listening to: shamein - junoon
word of the day: prioritise!

The beauty of inner-beauty is that it's not as complicated as external beauty. While external beauty requires a whole lot of upkeep and maintenance, inner-beauty is simply the inner-self, recognized and defined. There's not much you can do to it rather than discover it and be quite pleased with the results.

The journey's difficult, but when you're there, it's bound to bring you peace. Let's hope we can all choose the right paths on that journey and make it to where we all need to be - at peace with ourselves.

Raison d'etre

2005-05-14T00:52:00.000+05:00

Just put down Kahlil Gibran's "The Storm : Stories and prose poems" (translated by John Walbridge)

I'm speechless, in awe and everything along those lines, which would still be an understatement.

Fave quote from book coming soon...

---
Recently discovered another one of those songs that "do" it for you - regards to S!

Ha! to F : now roomie, myself and (i assume) M have found the reason to melt too, here it goes...

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper, now...
- Lifehouse

Happy happy joy joy

2005-05-10T18:53:00.000+05:00

listening to: el cheapo ringtones

I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquitos,
And drank till I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimo's rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and fan

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

You get down, real low down
You listen to Coltrane, derail your own train
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the mold off the bread
And serve you french toast again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of girl you'd take home

:)

2005-05-06T23:01:00.000+05:00

word of the day:crapbag

Ladies and gentlemen, being repeatedly kicked when your down is one of the best things possible for your well-being. Seriously, you should try it sometime - or at least ask someone to help you out. A whole circle of people with you in the middle. It'll teach you how to appreciate those who'll move back, those who help you up, those who keep kicking you like there's no tomorrow.
No tomorrow.

No, tomorrow. Tomorrow's the day it'll all be alright. That's when the crowds would have moved out of sight, your "circle" of friends would have dispersed (but are still within arm's reach) and the random observers would be smiling.

It's a good life.

Ha.

Push

2005-05-02T01:10:00.000+05:00

...dard ki yaad mein bhi dard hai, behtar yeh tha...

---

This is wrong. It's so wrong. Someone stop me.
Throw me to the ground.
Pick me up and show me the right direction.

I have faith in only You. Help.

Bye Shye

2005-04-30T00:20:00.000+05:00

listening to:discussions of a group meeting
word of the day:sheer anger

The worst part about feeling something is when you don't know what it is your feeling. Emotions are flowing left, right and center but controlling them, let alone understanding them is impossible. It's the worst turmoil your mind and heart can put your body through.

---
At the end of the day, I've realised we've become strangers to each other. It really hurts to see you act like you just don't give a bloody damn. You're becoming like one of those feelings. I'm not understanding you one bit. I cry for you, you don't even know...i think i'm done wasting these emotions. Anger, bitterness, hate, envy, disgust. Even without a reason to feel like this, when i think of you I do. And it makes me cry. Why, I don't know...but the point is, it makes me cry inside.

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.

Last Night(edit x 3)

2005-04-26T13:10:00.000+05:00

As always, he presented a bouquet of freshly-picked flowers before greeting her. As always, she counted them. Even though everything was different this time, his habit of adding one extra rose with every meeting hadn't changed. He noticed her eyes frantically searching for that one added flower, an attempt that would soon prove futile. She stopped her mental calculations, knowing she could trust him. In any case, she was simply stunned to see the sheer size of the bouquet. It symbolized their relationship. It symbolized them.

Music played in the background, far away somewhere. It was soft - almost as if part of the air surrounding them. It played with her emotions; still, she hid it the best she could.

The dim-lit atmosphere was exactly the ambience they were looking for. For a while, they felt like the only two souls alive. Somehow, in each others company, nothing else ever mattered...they could always drown out all the noise.

As beautiful as that evening was, and the countless others spent together, they knew it would never work out. He had only agreed to come for those last few moments so he could salvage some form of sanity. Sanity that would come only in her presence and linger on for a short while after she left. This time, it was different - she wasn't coming back and he was his only saviour.

He had made his mind up. Within a split second, he pulled himself away from the scene and didn't bother to glance back at it. He was gone.

It all happened too soon for her to realise. She looked back to see the dashing figure speeding away with the only symbol of their love - the bouquet. Petals flew behind in his wake and the bouquet would soon become a symbol of something unbearable - of nothingness. She would never get to see the beauty of that one extra rose. She would never experience the beauty of their last moment together.

Defeated, she turned back to the table and the empty chair which now seemed miles away from her. She gazed in to it with the hope that he would re-appear in his place and that it was all just a figment of her imagination. Words that should have been spoken were forming as droplets in her eyes. In desperate need to hide the flowing tears, she searched the table for a tissue, except, something else slipped into her hands.

A rose. A wilted, withered rose.

Reflections

2005-04-24T02:13:00.000+05:00

Two major problems with this pic:

1) Date shouldn't be there
2) It's at a "funny angle"

But I am still to be liking it :)

Badshahi Masjid

2005-04-24T02:02:00.000+05:00

Mera Geet Amar Kar Do

2005-04-22T03:48:00.000+05:00

(Shazzy is dangerously in ghazal mode, courtesy the two nights of ghazals she has experienced within a week. Sentimotional-romanticky-oversensitive-unstable type dangerous. D-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s)

Yet another fabulous night of music. There was variety tonight, as opposed to the first one. But then again, there was no candle-lit fancy shancy dinner.

Still, music ki baat rahi to, both events were at par with excellence. Thoroughly enjoyed meself.

*sigh*
With all due respect to the wondeful people who were with me to fathom the excellence, koi aur hota to kya baat hoti.

---
I see myself following in the steps of the great ex-bloggers F and S very soon, and stepping out of the blogging scene for a while. Not that my readers would fret much, it would be oh-so-nice to have one less mumble-jumbler in the cyberworld.

Just reminding you to note the "soon". You are not spared as yet :)

Knock Knock

2005-04-21T02:47:00.000+05:00

listening to: go figure!

Best thing about blogging is.
When you don't know what to say just post up lyrics.
Today I pick the following song as I've heard three (edit: FOUR) different versions of it in the past 12 hours.

(un)enthusiastic *drumroll*

Mama take this badge from me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door

Mama put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That cold black cloud is comin' down
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door

(GnR, Sheryl Crow, Avril Lavigne and Aerosmith...any others?)

Eyes only

2005-04-18T23:11:00.000+05:00

listening to: raat akeli hai - asha bhonsle
word of the day: smile

Contrary to popular opinion, the library is the worst place to study. Where else can you get distracted by the continual influx of "the studious ones", of which most can definitely pass off as quality eye candy?

And then, there's the bahana of going to fill up your perpetually khaali water-bottle using the mosquito-infested water thingamajigger.

Don't know about anyone else, but going to the thingamajigger is a dilemma of a journey in itself.

Passing by the men's room.

*must stop peeking into men's room* (even though the door is so bang-slap-in-your-face open all the time)

C'mon, don't look at the screen like that. Innocent roaming glances, that's all.

*must definitely stop*

Confused thoughts

2005-04-16T03:07:00.000+05:00

listening to: mera mann - nayee padosan
word of the day: ratta

It's strange, that sense of loss you feel without actually having lost someone. You're helplessly entangled in a web of contradictions, trying to wheedle your way out with excuses, regrets and what not - before anything has even happened.

Why wait for it to happen? Expect it to happen, but don't wait.

Shazzy firmly believes that people are responsible for getting themselves stuck in these situations; they are the only ones who can help themselves out.

With much love

2005-04-15T02:34:00.000+05:00

listening to: dazed and confused - led zep
word of the day: no-show

*Yay*, thanks once again (you know who you are), the image is finally up and this blog is finally complete once again!

---

Just for the record, as I don't want to be falsely accused of that forsaken P-word, the phrase you read above IS a quote and not by any mere twist of fate, my own creativity speaking. Understood?

---

Hmmm...it has dawned upon me that, while studying ACF amognst other more important happenings, you can't really think of much to post (read : whine) about.

Love you guys.

Khassab, Oman

2005-04-12T01:54:00.000+05:00

Kapish?

2005-04-12T01:31:00.000+05:00

listening to: pankha jhooming
word of the day: flacchar

There's so much to tell, yet no words seem to be apt enough. It's funny, that - happens so often. The emotions are pouring left, right and center; however, words, in all their glory can't even capture a minuscule proportion of them.

Sometimes Shazzy wishes that the song playing in her head at that very moment could so miraculously be heard by everyone in order for them to understand. Not to understand her, or anything around her. Just to understand.

Jeez, give me a break

2005-04-11T13:10:00.000+05:00

Women in bikinis put on a show for men

By Bassma Al Jandaly, Staff Reporter
Ajman: More than 50 men stood around watching two women who were sunbathing in bikinis at Ajman Open Beach on Friday.
Passers-by saw the crowd of people and apparently thought a swimmer had drowned.
They urged others to call the rescue teams, which showed up a short time later ready to do their job.
When they arrived at the beach, they discovered the two beauties - and their blonde hair and blue and green eyes.
The civil defence officials demanded the men leave the two women alone so that they could enjoy their time on the beach.
The crowd finally - hesitatingly - dispersed, leaving the twentysomething women in peace.
A witness who happened to be at a nearby internet cafe watched the crowd of male onlookers, amazed that such a scene attracted so many admirers.
Later, he, too, stood there gazing at the wonderful sight and enjoying the scene just like the 50 other men.

Picked up from here

Check it Out!

2005-04-10T23:20:00.000+05:00

Help! I need somebody...

2005-04-10T20:40:00.000+05:00

listening to: disappear - hoobastank
word of the day: skitskat

*Yay*...new template for Shazzy!

Have a question though - what is a webserver and how can I make one and how can I upload images on to it because this template requires that I do so and as I am clueless, I am unable to do so, hence making this an imagless template, which is alright; however, it would look much nicer with the image on the top, don't you think so?

Help would be highly appreciated!

White Band

2005-04-09T22:46:00.000+05:00

With reference to the white band on the top right corner of this blog, thank you, for enlightening me about it.

roses

2005-04-09T04:18:00.000+05:00

neend si rehti hai, halka sa nasha rehta hai

---

Something's happened
Whether it's changing you or me
We'll never know until it's too late
You wandered the open fields
Closing in on a solitary flower
But something happened
which awoke your dormant desire
Giving you the strength
you never thought could come alive

A cool wind stirs around
the beads of sweat on your forehead
feel colder
reaching out for the flower
you can almost feel its beauty
tender and soft between your fingers

you don't deserve that kind of beauty
the beauty of its elaborate petals
it can drive you to plain jealousy
with each petal you pluck
a shattered piece of your heart
fits back in place

once it's whole again
the bed of roses surrounding you
will come to life

BS

2005-04-08T21:45:00.000+05:00

Shazzy finds immense pleasure in posting on this blog. Even when she should not be pulling herself away from the balance sheet and income statement in front of her. She wants to write the answers, she really does. Instead, she writes something that may be capable of being posted up.

So she posts.

----

You have a way with words
they don't sting
just prick my conscience lightly
bittersweet
your smile has a way with me
it hides away
when i need it most
leaving a mere memory imprinted on my mind
bittersweet
your eyes, they dance
seemingly careless
but always knowing where to go next
and mesmerise
mine have a way too
they follow your lead
evoking all the
bittersweetness
that is us

Hot Hot Hot

2005-04-06T20:09:00.000+05:00

listening to: megalomaniac - incubus

When it's hot - like you know, really really hot, people get irritated. Either it's the lack of appropriate clothes in your cupboard driving you to insanity. Or that taking n^infinity showers a day makes about as much of a difference as tabasco on a laal mirch. God knows. Maybe it's just that everyone's irritated, so there's absolutely no harm in you following suit for no sound reason whatsoever.

Or it could just be the macchars, patingey and Lord-knows-what flying thingamajiggers.

I apologize, Sarosh, this is really an excuse of a post. My creative juices seem to have evaporated in this heat.

Ermmm

2005-04-03T04:01:00.000+05:00

Why do i blog?
Why do you blog?
Why do you read this blog?

Hmmm....

*scratches head*

---

I'm so into this thought paper right now. I half expect to walk out of the room and see people falling out of trains with all their belongings, the women wearing cream lehengey with chiffon ke dupattey on their heads and the men in dhotis (ahem. *cough*). Everything's black and white and the goras are busy playing polo on black-beauty-ishtyle horses.

Actually, right now M and I have a feeling Quaid-e-Azam will walk into the room to lecture me on why I am so thoughtless about my own country. For some reason, I can distinctly picture his topi.

This is an identity crisis in the making, I tell you. Thank you TR. Thank you SS114.

Thank you LUMS.

Of loneliness and the cough

2005-03-30T22:39:00.000+05:00

For the sanity that holds together the many personalities living within us to make us who we are, I think loneliness should be thanked.
Without a doubt, it's the best company you can have.

---

Today, she would only be remembered for one thing.

It wasn't the long black pashmina gifted to her so dearly.(that kept coming between her feet, almost tripping her) It wasn't the blue and silver chain which adorned her neck. (but felt so God damn heavy) It wasn't the many rings which seemed to have enticed her with their simple charms and comfortably slipped into her fingers. (making it too difficult to write) It wasn't even the Hush Puppies she wore, which she really had no complaints about.

No, sir. It was her cough.

Uggh

2005-03-27T23:19:00.000+05:00

listening to: kryptonite - 3 doors down

It's sad.

Ok, you've set out to do something. Something ,as in, anything at all. Whether it's for yourself, someone else, or just for the love of God.

So yeah, you try and try and try. Don't utter a word of complaint, let alone any one word at all. You feel all proud of yourself - the kind of proud that makes you smile your standard, infamous "El Cheapo" grin at moments which are really inappropriately appropriate.

Next step : the time to realise your worth. *drumroll*...... your value is no more than that of a teeny-tiny stone. You know, the pebble types?
That's because, no matter how hard you try and how little you rant and rave about how hard you've tried, your always bound to be kicked off the footpath.

It's really, really sad.

Evil

2005-03-27T01:59:00.000+05:00

How disgusting. An unusually huge macchar with ,literally, a pot belly of blood is zooming around looking for prey to close in on. I hope it hits the fan and gets shredded to pieces...and falls anywhere but on my bed.

khe khe khe

Stand by me.

2005-03-24T21:05:00.000+05:00

listening to: across the universe - fiona apple
thinking about: the tears that should fall from my eyes any second

Fiona Apple is a fantastic singer. Simply brilliant. Do give the above track, as well as "Paper Bag" a listen during your time off, provided you have any.

---

You sit beside her as though you are strangers. The only ties that bind you together are those that have, perhaps, entangled you for years gone by. If she hesitates to speak, she only does it so she can hum to the songs of silence, with you.

Your heart is beating in your chest so hard it almost makes you sweat. You still love her. You will always love her. You try to hide it with your words, but you forget one thing - your eyes. Why do I see a flame in your eyes when you're around her? I don't see it light up - it's always there, whether she's in front of you or not. She surrounds you. She is within you.

Why do you keep it in you? Why let it consume your soul, your very existence?

Let those tears, which sit so impatiently in your eyes, let them fall. Let them be tears of joy, of happinness, of accomplishment.

Speak the words which live as fantasies in her mind, before she leaves you in this turmoil.

With only me by your side.

Lost!

2005-03-23T19:58:00.000+05:00

Can someone be a sweetheart and help me find my conveniently-disappeared commenting system?

Clouds

2005-03-22T00:24:00.000+05:00

Absolutely gorgeous day today...it was as if God had brought out a palette with the world's richest colours and swept them across the skies for all to marvel at.

Waise, if you stare at clouds long enough - no matter how uncreative you are, you can always somehow make out figures...Today I saw two babies giggling side by side, with a witch flying on a broomstick above them.

Clouds should've been made of cotton.

Lurve

2005-03-19T23:55:00.000+05:00

listening to: zara zara - rhtdm

Currently, I'm having serious problems trying to define what love is. All i can come up with is that it's a bit like virtue, you can't really give it fixed meaning - it's just relative and personally relevant. I used to think - actually firmly believe- that selfless love existed in the world, in the Divine and maternal forms. But as we all know, i was born in the wrong century and in the wrong frame of mind. That "bubble" is so often burst.

I just know what love isn't - it's something you can never have for yourself.

Ek Shaam

2005-03-18T11:52:00.000+05:00

Hail good weather!!Hail old songs :)

Woh Shaam Kuchh Ajeeb Thi
Yeh Shaam Bhi Ajeeb Hai
Woh Kal Bhi Paas Paas Thi
Woh Aaj Bhi Kareeb Hai...

Jhuki Hui Nigah Mein Kahin Mera Khayaal Tha
Dabi Dabi Hansi Mein Ek Haseen Sa Gulal Tha
Maein Sochta Tha Mera Naam Gunguna Rahi Hai Woh
Na Jaane Kyon Laga Mujhe Ki Muskura Rahi Hai Woh
Woh Shaam...

Mera Khayal Hai Abhi Jhuki Hui Nigaah Mein
Khili Hui Hansi Bhi Hai Dabi Hui Si Chaah Mein
Maein Jaanta Hoon Mera Naam Gunguna Rahi Hai Woh
Yahi Khayal Hai Mujhe Ke Saath Aa Rahi Hai Woh
Woh Shaam...

Black

2005-03-13T19:30:00.000+05:00

listening to: a big huge plane flying by

God knows what went through his mind at moments like these. His eyes carried behind them a deepness she never knew existed; so many times she had confronted him to find out, yet, always with the wrong words. She might as well have been blind, he might as well have been mute.

He never looked at her. He somehow looked right through her, shaking her senses to the core. Soon enough, she regained whatever was left of her conscious self and begun to realise that she could never read those depths. If that was her depression, the fact that he would never reveal them to her was surely her downfall.

The situation unnerved her to a point of no return. Walking down an all-too-familiar path was asking for too much : all the twists and turns were predictable enough to be avoided; but somehow, an unnerving uncertainty still clouded her eyes. It never rained. Just always a looming sensation of foretold blackness.

Whether she would take the first step or make the first move, only his eyes could tell.

2005-03-10T11:59:00.000+05:00

listening to: God Put A Smile Upon Your Face - Coldplay

Picture yourself in a boat on a river
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green
Towering over your head
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes
And she's gone

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high

Newspaper taxis appear on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds
And you're gone

Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Picture yourself on a train in a station
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

- Lucy in the sky with diamonds
(The Beatles)

Inspire me

2005-03-08T12:37:00.003+05:00

listening to: silence

waaqi mein, Bulla Ki Jaana Mein Kaun?

---

Inspiration. Either the world severely lacks it nowadays, or us humans really need to come back down to earth a little bit. It's funny how the wierdest (sp?) things can inspire you - from that insignificant mound of dust lying on your shelf (no, really, it's a possibility) to your role model (if you have one, that is). It all depends on your frame of mind at that very moment; and generally, the way you like to see the world. If you're the sort who thinks everything is doomed a.k.a Pessimissto Numero Uno, that dust thing could actually apply. Doesn't really take much to lighten up "the pessimisst", i can vouch for that much. Like that blinking MSN chatbox of a certain someone right now...ok, so i wouldn't call it inspiration but still...
...excusez moi, I have some unfinished business to deal with...

anywho...what inspires you?

Orkut

2005-03-01T16:34:00.000+05:00

listening to: ross on friends

Damn orkut and ALL its addictiveness.

Someone with a heart of gold and access to that ***-****ed site could you puh-leez update me on the latest and greatest?

...need...orkut...
...but...
...must...go...
...on

For the love of home

2005-02-27T23:52:00.000+05:00

listening to: some rod stewart single

Home really is where the heart is. When i say home, it's not that n-bedroom house you find yourself comfortably snuggled in, it's home in the broader sense of the word; I guess the only way i can suitably define it is any surrounding which makes you feel wanted, complete and alive on the inside. Just think about all those times you're with your family, friends or that-special-someone; life couldn't offer you much more when you're surrounded by them. And even if the path you chose to walk down with your 'portable-personalised-homes' may be scattered with more tears alongside smiles, the very fact that you're still on that path and are pushing to reach a destination shows where your heart truly lies.

---

I don't remember how the quote exactly goes and i'm not Google-ing it either.It's been on my mind all day today..
Was it:

-Never stop smiling, you never know who could be falling in love with you.
(Don't think so, it's gobbledygook that smiling all the time can get you to the love of your life...You can't pinpoint a smile to be the reason why someone loves you, it takes a lot more than that.)

-Never stop smiling, you never know who could be falling in love with it.
(Nahh, doesn't make sense either. Why talk about how to make people fall in love with your smile when you're looking for someone to fall in love with you?!)

In shazzyology, it should have been:

Never stop smiling; you never know who could be falling into the misconception that you're currently in love and being loved too, even though we all know how far away from it you are.
(Yusuf, 2005)

Live!

2005-02-16T00:56:00.000+05:00

listening to: high - lighthouse family

and so she lived...

...to see the light of day

---

A life time of
watching the world spin
on a table top
people walking
in different directions
but all the seats around me are
still
empty
when will
the other actors of life
come dancing in?
seasons change
leaves stir up
around me
seasons change
the leaves are now
settled around
me
the chaos is whisked
away with
the wind
who is that
i see?
someone sits
on a chair
closest to me
on
the only chair within
sight around
me
finally it's
The End.

Where has all the music gone?

2005-02-08T04:46:00.000+05:00

(Excerpts from a research paper i wrote last quarter - randomly copy-pasted => illogicality and incoherence is guaranteed)

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”

Music is the language of humanity which requires no prior knowledge - everyone has, at some point in their lives, listened to music and has without doubt, had a reaction to it. We usually explore the influences that music has on individuals and society, but often tend to forget how individuals and society have affected music. Evidently, musicians and artists are humans themselves, and as such, can easily be influenced by their surroundings. The change in thoughts and emotions that follows is depicted through the music these artists produce.

It has been noted that, despite the increased stress on "freedom of speech" across the globe today, far less individuality prevails in society. There is so much pressure on individuals, that their unique identity is very easily stifled, resulting in a newfound desire for conformity. When relating this phenomenon to music and musicians, a similar consequence is observed: music is no longer simply an art, but has now evolved into a profit-maximising commercial venture or a mere form of entertainment. Musicians are no long producing music based on inner talent or choice, but in fact, are being driven to create it for the masses. Sociopolitical influences and pressures have eradicated individuality, an attribute which is considered instrumental for this industry.

It is next to impossible to examine any individual without considering the relevant external factors involved. Our minds are perpetually being manipulated by society and the various events occurring around us; hence, the implications are such that we can not help but change our perspectives regarding certain issues. In the case of the musician, while s/he maybe performing in order to present inner talent, one can not deny the fact that a third element, apart from the artist and his/her abilities, has an important role to play as well. From the artist's point of view, factors ranging from personal tragedies and triumphs to political revolutions are equally likely to impact the nature of songs and lyrics being created nowadays.
Why is it then, that this idea of 'freedom of speech' and individuality is being promoted so heavily at one instant, and then being instantly quashed by conforming to what society wants us to do? Are musicians who have expressed their true inner opinions and beliefs rebels? Or are those who conform to society's needs also expressing their thoughts, but are simply speaking their "influenced minds"? In order to answer these questions, one important clarification needs to be made: the motivations behind artists need to be determined.

Gender, class, race and age are constituents of society which can not be easily pushed to the back seat. Just as a person is identified by a name, s/he is also singled out by one or more of the abovementioned criteria. For a musician, these social issues are fundamental in determining the nature of song s/he is to produce. Members of a specific social class are expected to listen to or compose a specific type of music, the same way that certain age-groups are limited to certain music they should identify with.

By setting aside the assumption that everything in this world is relative, one can reach to the conclusion that music today has become a dying art. The current definition of music is drastically different from what it was initially. Musicians are extremely vulnerable to the dominating presence of sociopolitical pressures, making them the victims of this case. On the other hand, artists also have a duty to their career - to save this "dying art". They should avoid succumbing to their surroundings and produce the music which pleases them and justly promotes their inner talents. Hence, another balance needs to be achieved: that between rebellious behavior and conformity.

When all is said and done, to reach a true conclusion of this issue does not deem possible. Being realistic, one can not expect revolutions to occur and balances to be set overnight. There is a lot of room for change on behalf the artist and the audience, and in the end, it is up to each individual to make the choice.

Stay

2005-01-31T23:56:00.000+05:00

listening to: nishaan - Call

Stay with me
Don't let the darkness consume us
This absence of light is only comforting
in the presence of you
stay with me
the world seems smaller
all those who loved me
are within reach
all that is there to harm me
keeps its distance
stay with me
my voice is heard
the mind is clear
perhaps only to be cluttered
with thoughts of us
stay with me
and i promise
i'll stay with you too

Dreams

2005-01-31T18:07:00.000+05:00

listening to:the voices in my head

Had a very interesting class about dreams today. It helps having such a wonderful instructor (yes sir, if u're reading this, it is a subtle attempt at sucking up).One particular aspect that kept me awake was the concept of lucid dreaming. For those who aren't familiar with the term, lucid dreaming refers to when you have a sort of conscious control of the images playing in your head while you're fast asleep. Sounds pretty cool if you think about it just once, but when the second thought strikes, its actually quite scarey. What if people are bent on believing that they have control over all events taking place in their lives - even though the only ones they can fully grasp are those in their mind?

---
For some reason, I can't get a particular movie out of my head: Zakhm , the Ajay Devgan-Pooja Bhatt-Sonali Bendre-amongst-others flick. This is the one film which made me cry uncontrollably from the minute it started to the second it ended, jokes apart. Each and every actor portayed his/her character with the perfection I have yet to see in an Indian movie. Whenever you get the time, do give it a watch, and it goes without saying - keep the tissues in close proximity, especially the females.

Random scene

2005-01-14T02:27:00.000+05:00

listening to: neend ayay na - noori

Suddenly she found herself strapped from head to toe. As she lay motionless on what seemed to be a moving trolley, several masked faces presented themselves abover her head.
The bright lights behind them resembled that of paparazzi gone wild in the presence of a famous actress. She felt like that actress, and imagined those faces to be those of the characters of a play - perhaps the play called life.

---

How do you know when to draw the line? There are no written rules or regulations telling you, it's simply an unspoken contract between individuals, showing you exactly when and where to stop. The "how" part is up to you.

which happy bunny are you?

2005-01-13T01:44:00.000+05:00

you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Shazmeen vs. Shazzy

2005-01-13T01:35:00.000+05:00

So folks, do i pass off as a "Shazzy" or "Shazmeen" ?

How to make a Shazmeen

Ingredients:

1 part competetiveness

5 parts crazyiness

5 parts leadership

Method:

Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lustfulness

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a Shazzy

Ingredients:

5 parts friendliness

5 parts humour

3 parts instinct

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little curiosity if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

The human, behaved.

2005-01-12T23:29:00.000+05:00

listening to: hum tum - vital signs, creep - radiohead, i'm like a bird - nelly furtado...etc...

Ahhhh yes i'm finally back, was really bogged down with loads of stuff, so haven't been able to update. Also, my faithful readers, laziness plays a BIG role in anything and everything that is remotely related to work, so needed that "little push" to actually write anything. Don't expect the content of this post to make much sense, i urge you.

---
Human behaviour classes have really contributed to me the way i wanted them to. Now i can actually understand human behaviour. Ok, i admit, that was purely (p)un-intentional. But well, i've finally been able to study what i've wanted to all along - my passion for psychology has officially come alive again!

Today was Freud's turn to make his impact on our lives. As the I'm sure those who've read and been even slightly scandalised by his theories can sympathise with the nature of the "impact" i'm talking about here. I guess the deal is that, the more you read between the lines; the more you think about it, the more you'll start matching it to reality, the more it'll disturb you, the more disturbed you will be.
As you must've figured - it's not for the weak.

---
There are only so many people in this world with patience. I don't mean patience like "Oh my God, i was like running late for class, that one random day, and i had to like wait for like one extra second while X tied his shoelaces." Yeah, wipe that smirk off your face and ask yourself - honestly, how many of you have it in you? You'd be surprised to know how many don't; so many can't NOT express when it's just not appropriate. Prolonged, genuinely genuine patience is scarce, and we really need to do something about it.

This n That

2005-01-05T02:02:00.000+05:00

listening to: rabba - MHB

There are things that we just can't change, be it the path that history took or the twists fate shall take. Those are the facts of life we should be taking for granted; instead, we make the (supposedly) intelligent choice of people and relationships. Kudos to us.

---

Some people make such a strong impact on your life that you can't even begin to express your gratitude to them. When all else fails, even words and actions don't help much. An un-named relationship, a bond that begins to develop between the two individuals is intense beyond imagination; so intense that anything and everything related to it is best left to the most apt language we know : that of silence.

Have you ever felt that way about someone?

If you haven't, don't even try. It's just as hard as losing someone you took for granted.

Mad Sad Bad World

2004-12-29T23:52:00.000+05:00

listening to: only when i sleep - the corrs
thinking about: :(

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
The tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World

2004-12-29T23:23:00.000+05:00

A moment of silence for all the victims of the devastating tragedy that has struck South Asia.

May their souls rest in peace.
Ameen

The Chair

2004-12-28T01:52:00.000+05:00

listening to: ankhain - strings
thinking about: aarrrgghhhh

(Trying my best to set aside the momentary fit of anger i'm currenlty undergoing)

Anxiously avoiding all the surreptitious glances that surrounded her, she swiftly paced her way to the desolate chair in the corner of the library. She could only think of one other person who sat there at times like these; her conscience forced her to shrug off the thought before it caused her greater misery.

She carefully set her books in front of her and plonked on to the chair. Even the polished table in front of her looked at her with contempt, proudly showing off it's immaculate finish. Before she let it distract her, she swung her handbag around the width of her chair and let it hang from one of its sides. As she looked up, she briefly noticed her reflection in the glass doors of one of the inner offices. The bags under her eyes seemed more prominent than ever, and for a split second, she thought she could even see their redness appear on the door. She had never been one of the prettier ones around, but the fact that she could ever look like that ripped her to pieces. Her self-esteem and confidence further plummetted into a darkness they would never return from.

It's her. She's doing this to me. I should have never chosen this place to sit in. I'll never be able to study in here. What on earth made me think i could do it? Why, of all the places on this huge campus did i have to choose the library? Why the chair that she once sat on?

When she finally found herself back in the library, she flipped open to a page and stared into it blankly. Ever since it happened, she was so accustomed to fighting back her emotions that it came as a sort of natural action, a reflex to her. Once again, she was at it with full force, not giving in to the intensity of the piece in front of her, and the perfect correlation it had to her life.

The words were shooting at her like a thousand - no - a million arrows, piercing her eyes until the tears inevitably began to pour. The ink on the pages instantly formed what seemed to be a black hole in the centre of the page; a large,black, gaping hole that symbolised her existence.

Really, dil chahta hai

2004-12-23T01:39:00.000+05:00

listening to: dil chahta hai - dil chahta hai

Sometimes, it's just great to cry. Like right at this moment, dil really chahta hai to cry, for no reason at all. I know i can't and won't do it now, but it won't take much to instigate the tears. The lyrics of a song, the words from someone's mouth, the happinness that surrounds or even the thoughts in my head. I'm literally shivering and shaking because of this random, uncontrollable surge of emotions buzzing in me.

---
Watched Garfield ze movie a couple of days ago, and my oh my was it PAINFUL!

a)Garfield didn't LOOK like Garfield
b)JLH's existence in this completely pointless film was completely pointless, although i'm sure the male species would beg to differ
c)Since we're ON the topic of JLH, whatever happened to having a dress sense?
d)...or acting? facial expression? Just giving another reason for feminists to rant and rave about the exploitation of females in this horrible world; particularly, the film industry.

---
Yes, everyone. I am married and it just didn't occur to me for like even a microsecond to let any of you know. It just happened so soon, too quickly if you ask me. It was almost like the click of a mouse.
Thousand apologies.

What's the psychiatrists number again?

G-mail

2004-12-21T18:58:00.000+05:00

I have ( edits) 7 more G-mail invites left, if anybody's remotely interested, do let me know.

Episode

2004-12-17T02:39:00.000+05:00

Just imagine you're sitting in a confined space with only your memories to look at. Each one presents unfolds in front of you like a short movie, the introduction to which you had all control over and the conclusion of which you had none. Let them roll on before your eyes, and before you know it, you'll be gasping for breath.

Now imagine you're sitting on a beach; the enormity of the ocean within sight, cool, fresh breezes in your hair and not a soul around. Despite trying to acknowledge the true beauty that surrounds you, you decide to look back at your memories again. Let them roll on before your eyes once again. Even if you never realised it, you will still be gasping for breath.

____

Pessimissm or optimism?

Say cheese!

2004-12-16T16:02:00.000+05:00

listening to: sajna ve sajna - chameli

The joy of bringing a smile to someone's face is truly immeasurable. It's these little, simple things that make the world go round - these priceless things and nothing else.

Today

2004-12-11T02:08:00.000+05:00

Had a great day today! A movie, some screams and nice, long walks in the thanda thanda mausam (which i seem to be getting used to now) Considering the week's been pretty blank in terms of events, it was definitely my cup of cake :D I'm hoping against what little hope i managed to salvage in me that the weekend should have some more in store...

...besides, it's all the more reason to wonder exactly what on earth i'm doing here.

Boo..from across borders

2004-12-07T22:44:00.000+05:00

listening to: killing me softly - fugees
thinking about: last kiss - pearl jam

-Had an absolutely fantabulous and scrumpdelicious time back home! *sniff*

-Now it's back to the grind...and BOY does it look like a busy, busy quarter ahead...but no more early morning classes shall definitely help:D

-MUST mention how much fun i had in that jamming session...Yes and although i AM aware that we sounded pretty rusty, i've already booked another one in my diary :P

Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car,we hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, straight ahead,a car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget, the sound that night--the screamin tires, the bustin glass,the painful scream that I-- heard last.

Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world

Mixed Bag Tonight

2004-12-01T22:41:00.000+05:00

listening to: Tu hi re - Bombay
thinking about: *ahem*cough him

Been an hour, JOKES apart, an hour of writing, editing, deleting, re-writing this damn post-to-be. At this point i don't even know if i'll ever come around to hitting that publish button, but i'm writing nonetheless as i seem to have made some remote progress.

(Thanks to you all for the wishes, I love birthdays! Who doesn't like feeling special!)

Over a glass of Ginger Ale, i've finally understood that life really does pass by like the snap of a finger. I picture it to be like an hour glass where each moment is as insignificant as a grain of sand but in the end, amounts to an era, a lifetime. Just yesterday i was trotting off to Mrs Lions' classes, hands full with a pretty pink lunchbox and a petite bag with stationery to match. Gradually, those hands carried an assortment of items: sticker collections, my first (and last) Baby-G, autograph books, Tamagochis (sp?), bright green nailpolish, supposed love letters and a guitar amongst several others. Inevitably, of course, stress and tension made their silent entry, quite conveniently snuggling into these hands too. And the "harsh" reality has dawned upon me, that although they came in uninvited, they have formed that part of me which i could never trade away. As trite as i may sound, i would go through it all over again if i had the chance. Wouldn't you?

In this very moment however, i would really like to stop being in love. Everyone will agree that we all have a lovesick romantic hidden within us somewhere, but it doesn't do any good whatsoever when it becomes the driving force behind everything you do. Interpret that as you wish; all i know is that on the menu today are extremely heavy doses of snap-out-of-it-woman followed by much-needed-equally-proportionate servings of self-esteem.

My inspiration has run dry...
...that's what's going on

-

2004-11-28T15:57:00.000+05:00

listening to: my Guardian angel - Shallum Xavier

At first it was a nutshell, but when the world changed, my eyes opened and took in too many insecurities. Those insecurities have now become a part of me i can never get rid of. They haunt my every thought and flood each passing moment of my life with untamed emotions. I must thank you for ripping those insecurities from the deepest depths of my existence, tormenting them, abusing them, nurturing them and placing them right back where you found them. It's made me weaker and more a part of you than ever before.

There she was, standing before his very eyes. Why his mind was saturated with those thoughts was understandable; still, an invisible barrier broke off any channel of communication between the two of them. She was looking away the whole time, not noticing his pain, or perhaps, not wanting to. She had always been weak and unable to see anyone hurting. Somehow, a hidden strength helped her as she suffered in silence for what seemed like a lifetime.
Finally, he gathered whatever confidence he had left in him and opened his mouth to speak. Silence. Again. Silence. In times of need, words had always failed him when tears stood by his side and nothing was different this time.
When the silence had become too unbearable, she looked towards him. It was the first time their eyes had met. Anger. Hate. Love. Jealousy.
A melange of uncontrollable emotions surged through them the moment they set eyes on each other; as they sought out the same confusion in each others' eyes, all they found was a bizarre calmness. He didn't stop watching her until she was forced to lower her gaze and gradually, that familiar smile crept onto her face. And in an instant, they parted their ways without exchanging a word. He could've lived a thousand lives just to go back to that moment; it was all that he asked for and more. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

2004-11-28T15:28:00.000+05:00

Even though you may not be by my side
In this crazy world
i'll pull through
just knowing that i caught
a glimpse of your face
as the rush passed me by

2004-11-27T22:55:00.000+05:00

Aww i love this movie

.w.e.l.c.o.m.e.

New Location

Backy

Unethical Views of Unethical Politics

Eh?

Musings

Woohoo!

Footy Mania

Mum's the word

Not Dead!

.

A Simple Question

SoMinty

Drive

.

Baarish

A Poll

This and That.

B'day

_

How's it going to be?

Not again...

Wish

Road to Recovery

The Month

Changes

The Return

KhudaHafiz

Not part of the story

...

Part II

Poem

Starters

*La La La*

Masterpiece

SoMinty

Mujhse Shaadi Karogi?

*sigh*

All my bags are packed.

Baton

Guess who?

You Are Beautiful

Raison d'etre

Happy happy joy joy

:)

Push

Bye Shye

Last Night(edit x 3)

Reflections

Badshahi Masjid

Mera Geet Amar Kar Do

Knock Knock

Eyes only

Confused thoughts

With much love

Khassab, Oman

Kapish?

Jeez, give me a break

Check it Out!

Help! I need somebody...

White Band

roses

BS

Hot Hot Hot

Ermmm

Of loneliness and the cough

Uggh

Evil

Stand by me.

Lost!

Clouds

Lurve

Ek Shaam

Black

Inspire me

Orkut

For the love of home

Live!

Where has all the music gone?

Stay

La La La

sigh