A Simple Question
I tried and tried. Walking, running, and walking once more. For a moment it felt like the world was spinning around me, that the skies and earth had become one - but it wasn't. It was me. Spinning around in the world, in search of a moment that seems to be slipping away as I draw closer to it.
Who are these people? Their familiarity gives me a sense of ease settling in my mind and heart, but sporadic pangs of fear begin to gradually dissolve the comfort, leaving me merely numb. Looking back is no help, the changes are too drastic. The past has been swept away with time, gathering all its memories and emotions, making them too complex to understand anymore. And the future can't be seen, heard or felt. Here and now is where those feelings will never fit. So then where do I look to seek comfort? In that one answer, which I have now found, without even searching for it.
If I were to climb the highest heights, I would only find myself face to face with that answer. If I were to drown myself in the deepest waters and sink into the abyss below, I would find myself in the arms of that one answer. If I were to wander in the deserts under the scorching sun, with so much as a last breath to thrive on, I would breathe that one answer. If I had known that answer from the beginning, it would become my first word, my last word, my language; my thought; my soul.
I have come to learn that I long for you. I do not wish to be one with you now, I am not deserving of that position and perhaps never will deserve it either. It is only your will that can bring me to you. If you wish for me to be with you, I accept your decision firmly, for this is possibly the best way. But for now, I seek to be one with your love. Darkness may not even be a part of you, it would just be the lack of light I have earned, for which only I would be to blame. Darkness is where I am now, and darkness is abysmal. It is hate. It is envy. It is fear. It knows no limits. It is rage. It is evil.
I never want to be in the shadows of your darkness.
And if perhaps, that darkness is the only light I am worthy of, I will embrace it with tears of joy, for you would have blessed me with more than I could ever ask for.
Who are these people? Their familiarity gives me a sense of ease settling in my mind and heart, but sporadic pangs of fear begin to gradually dissolve the comfort, leaving me merely numb. Looking back is no help, the changes are too drastic. The past has been swept away with time, gathering all its memories and emotions, making them too complex to understand anymore. And the future can't be seen, heard or felt. Here and now is where those feelings will never fit. So then where do I look to seek comfort? In that one answer, which I have now found, without even searching for it.
If I were to climb the highest heights, I would only find myself face to face with that answer. If I were to drown myself in the deepest waters and sink into the abyss below, I would find myself in the arms of that one answer. If I were to wander in the deserts under the scorching sun, with so much as a last breath to thrive on, I would breathe that one answer. If I had known that answer from the beginning, it would become my first word, my last word, my language; my thought; my soul.
I have come to learn that I long for you. I do not wish to be one with you now, I am not deserving of that position and perhaps never will deserve it either. It is only your will that can bring me to you. If you wish for me to be with you, I accept your decision firmly, for this is possibly the best way. But for now, I seek to be one with your love. Darkness may not even be a part of you, it would just be the lack of light I have earned, for which only I would be to blame. Darkness is where I am now, and darkness is abysmal. It is hate. It is envy. It is fear. It knows no limits. It is rage. It is evil.
I never want to be in the shadows of your darkness.
And if perhaps, that darkness is the only light I am worthy of, I will embrace it with tears of joy, for you would have blessed me with more than I could ever ask for.
